February 2012
38 posts
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I am definitely the only person I know that considers a vitamin-enriched meal replacement drink comfort food. I am sick and all I want in the world is a vanilla Ensure. I mean!
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That awkward moment at least once a week when my mom refers to hip-hop music as “that be-bop shit.”
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I feel like
If I felt like I would look good in glasses, I would paya lot more attention to how much I need them.
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Also there are at least two bouys who want me to not die this week. Thanks Drew. Thanks Matt.
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I'm alive¡
And I don’t know why my phone turns exclamations to upside down ones, but it was a group interview, and from my perspective it seemed like the other two people were Trying to sound dumb. Also, my bed is nice.
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Leaving for an interview in 20 minutes. Found out about it an hour ago. Fever of 102. Deliriously just sat on the toilet with pants on. Wearing more blush than a drag queen in a casket. So I don’t look like I will throw up on the interviewer. Fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy. How do I drive a car? Maybe that’s what I can ask if they ask if I have any questions for them. Okay eyes closed short sleep...
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direct quote from a third grader to a fourth...
“If you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, I would drink it.” …..I mean…. I couldn’t burn that hot with a fucking cattle rod.
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It was approximately 38 degrees outside with...
And now it is snowing like crazy with no joke an inch on the ground already
WHAT IS HAPPENING
This is some Twilight Zone shit
I need to get out of here before the walls start turning colors
Text me 215-668-5398
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sophiamaria replied to your post: So this man approaches me at the library…
this is by far the best story i’ve heard.
kelstermeister replied to your post: So this man approaches me at the library…
i am laughing so hard omg that is so scary
Oh, you know me. Always attracting serial-killer-like men with no concept of social norms, time, or basic hygiene!
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UPDATE ON LIBRARY MAN
HE CAME BACK
AGAIN
WITH HIS PHONE NUMBER
AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE IF I EVER HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING TO CALL HIM
WHY WOULD I ASK YOU QUESTIONS
YOU’RE CARRYING A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK BASKETBALL IN AN ARMY DUFFEL BAG
AND YOU WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE
Maybe I should call him to ask him how to get a guy at the library to stop talking to me…
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So this man approaches me at the library...
Carrying an open army duffel bag, in which the only item I could see on top was a glow-in-the-dark basketball
Asks me if I’m interested in a business proposition, which I initially think is some weird hooker-code because he’s staring at my boobs
I say no, and he starts vaguely describing something to do with a law firm and spreading information for money
I say no
He gives me some...
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Shit Kindergartners say:
In a social work group today, a kindergartner was asked the question, “If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?”
Upon serious consideration his reply: “A worm.”
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Almost forgot how much I love the feeling of clean unbrushed, untamed hair. Wild and free, baby.
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Devouring my way through a box of macaroni and cheese, a heart-shaped box of chocolates, and a book about a severely anorexic girl. What are you doing with your Saturday??
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proud of myself
Today I finished book number forty out of an intended 100. Less than a year ago, in order to decide if I want to write a novel, I decided to read 100 books in the genre. It was less of a goal, more a vague agreement with myself. But I’ve kept it and plan to continue to keep it. The number may sound low for almost a year (I think it was last march or April), but working nearly full time since...
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Happy Valentine's Day to everyone with or without...
I’ve had the most heart heart heart day, and I wanted to share the positive energy with anyone out there reading this. Though I am single, I spent the day feeling more loved and appreciated than I think I did during 7 valentine’s days of smushy coupledom. I am loved by my family, who doesn’t always show it conventionally, but surprises me in the best ways. I am loved by my...
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My first thought upon hearing the news about Whitney Houston was being too late to see our friend in jail and riding around in that big red pickup and how we danced in the bed in the middle of the town square on a sunday afternoon and how it was her dad’s CD.
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“There are just lots of possibilities in the world…I need to keep my mind...”
– Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares
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Just ate a cracker and a half and about 4...
Felt like a 5-course feast. I never thought I’d be so excited at how good broth sounds. Maybe tomorrow I can have bread with butter!
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That's the first time that's happened.
I heard that song and my heart didn’t break on the sixth note. That’s never happened.
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Something happy every single day
So I don’t know where I found this idea, but it’s my new fave. Simple as this: get a calendar, digital or physical, and write something that makes you happy. Every single day. Good because no matter how shitty my day is, I know I usually smile at least once. Even better because it has to fit in a tiny box (i.e. It forces me to be concise AND only takes thirty seconds). And at the end...
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Dear hottie in the yellow shirt, white vest, and...
Hey girl.
Sincerely,
Lesbian clearly checking you out rn
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Dear crazy people at the library,
Please leave me alone. I don’t want to read your train book. I don’t want to smell whatever you rolled in. I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY TO GIVE YOU! Not even change. Nothing. I just want to check tumblr and file my taxes in peace.
Sincerely,
Person who clearly does not want to talk to you and is giving you every recognizable social cue to leave me the fuck alone
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So I came home from work after half a day because I was wobbling everywhere and internally screaming from ear infections. I slept the whole afternoon, and when I woke up tonight I got in the shower. I’m standing there still half asleep and suddenly my eyes surge open and I’m all OMG I JUST GOT MY WATCH WET!!! as I try to rip off my own wrist….. Several moments later I realize I...
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I changed my mind, my favorite food is appetizers.
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evinrouge replied to your post: I mean I’m not saying I’m a funny person…
You’re pretty hilarious. Ngl.
Ik Ik, ty ty
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I mean I'm not saying I'm a funny person...
I’m just saying that everyone I know thinks I’m hilarious.